I’ve read about people

Who have swum

The expanse of oceans

And experienced its dark

Murky depths

And emerged victorious

And grateful for being alive.

 

I muse about the aptness

Of its metaphor

For the experiences I’ve had…

 

I’ve plumbed my own depths

Straddled in a nowhere space

Neither here nor there

Neither up nor down

Chiming to an external rhythm

Of day and night

But swimming in a dark expanse within.

 

I still haven’t emerged victorious.

I wonder what I should do

With my aliveness.