If only we knew… knew what we truly wanted… knew what was expected of us… knew our true potential… knew clearly- right from wrong… knew how to work, to love, to care, to respond, to express, to atone, to change… the list is endless!
But, why do we wish to know? Do we hope and perhaps, suppose that knowledge can arm us with the power to shape our experiences; that somehow we can take charge of our destinies and escape the effects of karma? Is there this hope within us that prior knowledge can help mitigate the experiences that life has in store for us?
And, does it? Does knowing about death; about the transient and phenomenal nature of existence save us from experiencing grief and sorrow and loss? Does knowing a priori the many challenges in a marital relationship save us from experiencing our own?
What then, can be an appropriate expectation from our knowledge? Is the purpose of man’s education to ‘know’ his world and thereby gain sovereignty over it? We wish that our learning be elegant, sophisticated, free of all embarrassing follies. Yet, probe a little, and you’ll see that it is only after fully experiencing that we truly learn. We get affected, addicted; we fall; we err; we summon up a dormant courage, we rise and we learn. Our education system supposes that if we started from the end we’d skip the pain and suffering and jump to a higher level of consciousness. So it says- learn, rise, summon up your courage and beware of falling… But then, aren’t we putting the proverbial cart before the horse?
What is true knowledge? When can you say you know something? How do you know? Can knowledge be borrowed or transferred? Does knowledge fulfill a purpose or is knowledge in itself, the purpose to be fulfilled?
We perceive a world external to us. It seems to have been there even before we were born and we believe it shall be there even after we go. Our instructions about this world begin very early on in our lives. We see, hear, smell, taste and touch and that knowledge is interpreted for us. We’re informed that that what we touch, see, hear and smell has a name; and not only will knowing those names do us good (in terms of social acceptance and survival), but also, we must know what the world before us has known about our experiences. We call this education.
But is such an education past its day? When man believed that the world manifest before him was a challenge he needed to surmount, an education at the level of gathering and disseminating information may have been relevant and enough. But has this information-oriented system of education become irrelevant today? Today, we’re aware that the world’s challenges- global warming, environmental molestation, terrorism, consumerism, corruption, violence, excessive legislation, power imbalances, wealth and resource depletion and of course, a token education begin and end with the biggest culprit- man himself. He alone is both the problem and its solution. Of all the problems we perceive at a macro level, the individual’s constitution is the microcosm. What seems like a huge monster-like challenge- standing outside of us- has in reality- proceeded from the darkness of the individual heart and mind. Where true knowledge is absent, imagination is most fertile and desire uncontrollable. Our imagining that our futures might be at stake pushes us to amass and hoard wealth. Our imagining that we may be deprived of love, affection and acceptance, makes pretense, lying and empty tokenism a way of life. Our imaginary fear that life is ruthless and difficult makes corrupting an easy lifestyle choice. We delude ourselves into believing that we know… but can you truly claim to know anything without knowing the fears and machinations of your own mind.
It is to dispel this darkness that man seeks knowledge. And we wish that the knowledge we receive be true and authentic and not the mere transference of another’s interpretation and fertile imagination. But how are we to know that we indeed, truly know?
We read. We speak. We exchange views and we find ourselves believing some things and discarding others. The external stimuli are available to all; yet the simple action of an apple falling from a tree prompts a Newton to discover the law of gravity, an artist to see in it a rich symbolism and an agriculturist- an opportunity for cultivation. It seems that we come to know what is in our essential nature to know. We can only know that which resonates and concurs with something already in existence within us. Look back and you shall see that the knowledge that truly mattered was not that which cloaked your ignorance, but was that which revealed to you your wisdom. Wisdom does not dwell in the height or breadth of our thinking, but lies in the depth of our understanding. And therefore, often, the most erudite teachings, that hold the answers to every possible question ever asked pass us by like an indifferent wind. Not everything touches us, speaks to us or inspires us. And when something does, we truly feel that it lends more power to our voice.
True knowledge therefore, may be discerned in correct self-expression. When you know something truly and authentically, it flows in and out of you as effortlessly as your breath. The quest for knowledge is fundamentally, a search for your own voice.
Knowledge and understanding cannot be given to us unless we have within us an equal knowledge and understanding to give.
Separation
Feeling now keeps its distance from me
I can see it
And am aware of its presence
But feeling and I don’t touch anymore
Our love affair-
Torrid, passionate, obsessive and humiliating
Has ended
We’ve drifted apart as lovers
And found our bliss as friends
Co-existing and comfortable
In the separateness of our identities.
What You Don’t Say
I never know what to make of your words
So I ignore them.
And see instead
The source of this gibberish
And therein I see
Sometimes fear
Sometimes guilt
Sometimes need
Sometimes concern…
…always vulnerability.
And so…
Even though your words say
That you don’t care
And that
You couldn’t be bothered
I agonise no more over their meaning
But see now
With only the simplicity of my own heart
Your own wounded innocence.
The Moment
It takes a moment
for ‘Forever’ to end.
The hours, the days
The months, the years
Can be swallowed in a moment.
The stories we are stringing together
The stories we are living
Can come undone
And scatter like pearls
that lose the thread they cling to
All in a moment.
The Moment is the Ministry of Justice
The Moment is the Sentinel of Truth
The Moment is the Breath of God.
It’s not easy to stand
So close to The Moment
Its power is immense
And so is its mercy.
It can take away your All
Leaving you with nothing more
Than yourself.
Cutting you down to its size
Reminding you
That yourself is all that you’ve got
And The Moment is all that you need.
The Insignificance of Significance
Empty pages
Seek recourse from an empty mind
and an empty heart
Stop! Don’t feel!
Lest you weep
If you weep
You’ll unleash a storm
And then
What about the repercussions?
The aftermath?
Quiet
Hush.
Let all storms die within.
Breathe- breathe- breathe
I see the shadow of my hand as I write
Is that of some significance?
Does this simple interplay of light, form and feeling embody a deeper meaning?
Why did this thought come to me?
Ah! Is it because there are now two of us?
The outside is now looking in?
I wonder
Are you writing about me?
Or am I writing about you?
Speak, dammit!
Is that how you look?
Dark
Sans detail
Sans voice
Just a shadow
You’re nothing but a mere cast of me?
But then, are you my essence?
Just empty watchfulness
An empty page
Defined by nothing more than a silhouette.
Breathe-breathe-breathe…
Idol Worship
You are the object…
The Reason, the Diety
– that which engages life within me
In You I search
And I find
-my despair, my purpose, my redemption
You stand there
Feet-tied, tongue- tied, heart-in-knots
Unable to help me
But…
It is through You
I make the journey
Back to myself
From beginning
To end
To beginning again.
On Secrets
I
May my calling be concealed from me
From my thoughts and my tongue
For they can hold no secret;
And publish at the slightest prompt
Tall claims during small talk.
II
My heart is a keeper of secrets
Occasionally it confides in me
And now that it has
I find myself immersing in a sea of silence
My lips sealed by a quiet smile.
Evolution is not Escape
There’s a price to be paid
For both
Your ignorance and
Your knowledge.
The difference is
In knowledge I step into Reality
Whereas in Ignorance
I suffered my imagination.
Even though I now know
the difference
I still don’t fit my imagined concept
Of a good human being.
But now I stand aware
Of what goodness is.
And in this awareness
It becomes a joy
To bear the cross
You, who have deemed me an anomaly
Have selected for my redemption.
Lesson on Liberation
“Mamma, what will happen to a person inside a mirror, if the mirror breaks? Will the person come out?” Kiara, my five year old enquired intelligently.
I picked up the mirror, held it before her and asked, “Who do you see?”
” I see me!” she replied smiling.
” Now if this mirror were to break, where would you go?” I asked
” Nowhere… I’ll be here…” she replied with a sparkle in her eye.
She smiled realising the unreality of images in the mirror.
And I, on realising the unreality of thoughts in my mind.
The Charitable
The little girl’s dress
Was a little too big for her
And it looked tired and worn
Handed down
It was clear
That’s the thing about charity
It’s usually disproportionate
Ill-fitted and ugly
Given away as good riddance
But dressed up as kindness
Little do we realize
In our guilt of owning
That charity is what the charitable may receive
But it’s never theirs to give.