My City Has a Heart

My city has a heart you know
It holds my silences
It keeps my secrets
Its highways are my memory lanes
On them I travel back
To past moments…
To the smiles, kisses and tears
I left behind.

My city has a heart you know
I can feel its beat
Even as sirens and
Impatient drivers and busy people
With somewhere to go
And somewhere to be
Move on an endless loop
As if in a time-lapse video.

My city has a heart you know
Arterial to the highways
Forgotten, slow by-lanes
Await your return…
In my cab, the Bollywood film song
Strums our collective ache…
It touches a chord.
A tear drops.

Unshackled

How much

Should I break loose

To reclaim my heart

So that I may feel

The emotions trapped

Behind your polite words

And your cultured gestures;

That have mastered

The art of concealment.

Our words no longer convey

The truth of our feelings;

Our faces no longer express

The naivety of our excitements;

Our humanness is disguised

By the fashion of sophisticated ideas,

That awe us into believing

Their claims of truth.

Their artistry may have garnered me an image;

But I have lost the sensation of touch

You and I stand unreal to ourselves.

How can I free myself;

So that I can then free you?

“Does Love exist,” she asked…

“Does love exist,” she asked

 

“Expectations unmet

And feelings are held on to closely

On a short leash…

And what about love?

Love stays in my head

Not my heart

It lives on as a concept

It seldom, if ever

Enters my aching heart

 

Does it exist? Anywhere?

And should it exist?

My relationships are but a transaction

Held together precariously

By a concept called ‘duty’.

 

What makes ‘duty’ more dear than love?

Perhaps because I sees that everybody else thinks so…

Love is this fluid, uncontrollable ache

Love knows no partiality

It reveals all

And that’s the scary part

That in love

I will be seen in my nakedness

My skin will lie before you

In all its blemishes

My aching heart will

with innate gravity and force

Drop me to unimaginable lows

I will long for you and your deliverance

With no certainty ever

That I shall be received by the open arms of your own longing

 

Love can just about assure me of two mercies:

Hope and Faith.

But it is duty that’s more prudent,

more pragmatic

It helps me float over the ache

 

And it is Duty that pays the bills

For all those distractions

That fill up my space and time

And love continues to live on

In my head

As a concept.

And because it does

there are expectations unmet

And feelings restrained.”

Experience versus knowledge

” Where is my heart, mamma… Here right?” asked my five year old daughter, Kiara, placing her hand correctly over her beating heart.

“Yes,” I replied.

I had just successfully parallel-parked the car outside the garden that she and her friend had so persistently pleaded I take them to. So here we were…in about a span of ten minutes; starting from their fervent pleas that I take them to the park, to discussing…well…the heart.

“You know,” her eight year old friend added, “Our hearts beat even while we sleep!”

“That’s right!” I affirmed.

“Why do we have a heart, mamma?”asked Kiara.

I decided to offer her a spiritual  explanation, so that the word could become a more potent conceptual unit for her: “The heart loves… When you feel love towards someone, you feel it from your heart.”

I further added: “But to feel love from your heart, your thoughts must be silent…” Gesturing with my hand, I explained: “The heart loves to hear, and it can hear another only when your thoughts stop talking!”

Kiara who had been listening intently, then made an unusual request: “Mamma, can we sit  here only, where we are, for just five minutes?” The jumping monkeys of her mind- who had till now been refusing to relent till they reached the garden- had disappeared. Her friend and I, looked at her, then at each other, smiled and then the three of us sealed each other’s hands as if in a pact.

“Okay!” she said after a minute or so, “let’s go!”

Curious, I asked her what made her make such an extraordinary request.

“I don’t know,” she said… ” My heart told me to  just be there…”

My daughter, I realised, had just received her first lesson on the value of experiencing.