Mom and dad’s 5Oth anniversary speech

Thank you for joining us here to celebrate mom and dad’s fiftieth anniversary! Fifty years is a long time for two people to be together! Leave alone fifty years, we suffer so many little pinpricks in the course of our everyday lives that turning away from, and shutting off to our loved ones have become our default reactions. Life’s journey is a story of small disappointments intertwined with small joys, big losses compensated by relatively small gains and delusional, fanciful ideas that have little or no conversation with ‘REALITY.’ How then, when we all seem to be destined for a life of sorrow, do some people still manage to rise above these sorrows and live celebratory lives?

Here’s a list of things I’ve noted in my forty-two years with mum and dad:

  1. Learn to trivialize the seemingly ‘big’ problems and celebrate every small joy!
  2. When you lose something or someone, never allow yourself to get bitter.
  3. When one speaks the other must listen. Otherwise, when both speak, the neighbors will listen!
  4. Give each other support and care. That’s all we need to receive and that’s all we are expected to give.
  5. Respect each other. Respect the differences.
  6. Trust each other and have faith that there’s a grace over and above what seems to be. Learn to wait, watch and listen.

A newly married couple went to a zen master and asked: “How do we make our love endure?”

He replied: Love each other, but more importantly, love together-something, someone other than yourselves.

  1. In the case of mum and dad, they devoted their lives to us- their kids. Evenings were spent taking us for short drives or long walks; vacations were not an escape ‘from’ the kids, but an escape ‘with’ the kids. Now too, when I go to spend an evening with them at least once a week, I’m sure they argue for at least fifteen minutes about what ‘they think’ I’d like to eat!
  2. Retain some of your quirks in your relationships. I’ve seen mum’s incorrigible forgetfulness stand in sharp contrast to dad’s memory of the tiniest details, and her impulsiveness challenge his meticulous ways. And then, mom can cook blindfolded (if she had to) and dad carefully calibrates the proportion of milk to water when making tea.
  3. He organizes her medicines and sits up till late reading about alternative therapies for her aches and pains. And when he stresses about a health condition, she flippantly tells him to chuck his worries in the Fuck it bucket!
  4. Be dependable, not dependent. Be that one person your partner can always count on.
  5. Mend the broken. Discard neither objects nor relationships if there’s a minor chip. If it can be fixed, please fix it. And lastly,
  6. Have faith. When things go wrong, express gratitude for everything that is still so right. A marriage is not a set of vows you make to each other, it’s a set of vows you make to yourself.

For Suri and I too, tomorrow will mark our nineteenth wedding anniversary. And even as we live through our journey, with its highs and lows, for me, it’s the memory of mum and dad’s marriage that allows me to sustain the bad times and celebrate the good. And that to me is the greatest gift of all!

Yes, I know…

Yes, I know

That there will be suffering

For you

When you have to let go

Unwillingly

Of all that you have owned

And laid claim to

 

Yes, I know

That I too shall suffer

In your suffering

Attached as I am

To your heart

Yoked as I am

To your being

 

A separation

A severance

A theft

A murder

Tortures unleashed on pleasures unwilling to relent

It’s all inevitable

Yes, I know.

Reminder

I know you see me live

And ask of me all that I can give

But I’ve always wondered why

We don’t see each other die

Things often taken a turn

When the last remains burn

So easily we let go

Of all unworthy sorrow

And see clearly through moist eyes

That death  claims us…

 

Long before we actually die.

The Elite

I live in a mental asylum

With shadows for company

So powerful are my shadow-friends

That they’ve erected the walls

Of my asylum

For their existence

 

In its confinement

I yearn for friendship and company

Even if it is of the Unreal

The shadows beckon me to listen

Their amorphous forms speak in booming voices

That echo and resonate.

 

Their thoughts agree with my thoughts

That’s why we are friends…

We jog together in 10000-word dissertations

Or tickle each other with 140-character tweets

And I feel accomplished

That I now have friends in high places…

 

I now speak their slang

And their concerns

Are my concerns

Their outrage is my outrage

Happiness lies in the camaraderie

Between one bubble and another.

 

When you burst my bubble

I stand vacant

Alone in my madness…

And with this painful awareness

That I can’t see, or hear, or feel anyone

Outside of the thick walls

Of my mental asylum.

 

I have been shut in

To be protected from any contact with the breathing…

My walls are thick, impenetrable and safe

My shadow-friends erected them so that they could play

And oh yes, my walls have names

Please meet: Ideology. Fear. Pain. Self-loathing.

Desire’s Destiny

Within me

So many have lived

and scripted my story

 

Some have stayed

for decades

for years

 

Pined

 

Agonized

 

Washed away

by floods of tears.

 

Some come visiting

a month, a week

and leave soon after

they find their seek

 

Coveted guests

who appear

for a minute or two

Rejuvenate

Refresh and

Renew.

 

A residue of wisdom

on ways to cope

They leave behind

magical wings of hope.

 

My nothingness defined

by their very being

They’ve challenged what I know

of my seeing.

 

They’ve come to me

inhabited my space

They’ve shown their artistry

their canvas- my face.

 

Desires in search

for room, for chest

They’ve come to me

to manifest.

 

It’s in rare moments like these

I stand face to face

Watching in silence

 

My nothingness

 

My space.

 

I know now

I can clearly see

My space is nothing

But desire’s destiny.

 

 

Money

Money is that bone of contention that has created some of the world’s broadest divisions: the haves and the have-nots; the materialists and the spiritualists; the pragmatists and the philosophers. These divisions, however, are absolute only in theory and most of us find ourselves sitting on the fence- in between the two extremes of the money debate.  We understand the need to be astute about money but fear its corrupting influence. We’re glad we have enough, but would like just a little bit more. We want to help those in need but want to be convinced beyond reasonable doubt that they truly need it. How come we give so freely of our advice but tighten up in cautious knots in when expected to give of our money? How do we develop the right perspective on money? How do we measure its correct importance in our lives? Most of us have developed a socially polite attitude towards money, which is more often than not, at variance with how we internally feel about it.

Although it started as a simple instrument of exchange, it has become that very thing of value that we, wittingly or unwittingly trade our every thing for. It seems to have become the value of all values. We trade our time, our skills, our youth, our family relationships (sometimes) and our health in its pursuit. It has been the basis of many a friendship as also the basis of many a break-up. We see it as compensation, reward, power; as oxygen to our way of life, as a license to behave indulgently, as a marker of social status, as an expression of love and in the very least- albeit fundamentally- as a currency of trade.

The topic of ‘Money’ interestingly brings to the surface all possible themes of thought such as: ideas about right and wrong, just and unjust, beautiful and ugly, the sublime and the vulgar, moral and immoral, the astute and the naïve and the pragmatic and the philosophical. This only goes to show that money has penetrated deeply into all aspects of our lives. Money tends to cleave our perception. Through its prospect, our world stands divided into two halves, which are forever in conflict and tireless debate with each other.  And we find ourselves on a pendulum course swaying from one side of the debate to the other. Why is it that a simple instrument of exchange fosters in our minds such a perpetual restlessness?

With the exponential growth of industry and commerce, we’re all inevitably money-minded. In today’s world everything we wish for, for a comfortable existence, can be acquired- for a price.  The effect of such money-mindedness is that we’re always sizing things up; measuring their worth; pronouncing them desirable or undesirable and feverishly seeking profit over loss. Our economic system has permeated every other aspect of our being and has now also become our philosophical system. Everything we have, we believe is worthy of trade. In fact in a strange travesty of thought, we consider only those things about us valuable that we can trade in a market place. Money- in our lives- has overstepped its boundaries and today, it seems, everything has a price.

… But then, is such an occurrence or such a circumstance, unnatural? Is it really an indication of man’s sin and his deviation from his spirituality? Is the business of living at odds with man’s spiritual existence? Or is the entire business of living- with all its trials and tribulations- the mere working of an indifferent natural law? Is it possible at all- one wonders- to be misguided, even in matters of money and blind ambition? It almost seems- on close examination- that the law naturally corrects all excesses and that its ultimate aim is to arrive to a state of equilibrium and balance.

Money- as it always ultimately reveals itself – doesn’t have any attribute, worth or power of its own. It is we who give it its reputation. Some of us fear it; some of us worship it, some serve it, some vehemently deny it importance and some others master it. It’s very apparent that money behaves exactly as our mind prompts it to behave. If you prompt it to lord over you, it will. Money itself comes with its price and as such will extract that price. Sometimes we pay with our health, sometimes we trade our relationships and mostly we pay with our time.  Like the Merchant of Venice, money will try and extract its pound of flesh.

Yet, money it seems, is an instrument of trade on more than one level. Through its temptation and false promises and then through its inevitable betrayal, man is left to himself- at first lost in its pursuit and then heroically redeemed.

So why is it that everything must be paid for?  Why must man pay to discover himself? Every bright new day has to wait for the end of a long, lingering night. The transactions of money in our lives only reflect the working of another, higher natural law. Existence is never even. All highs are followed by lows; abundance by paucity; day by night and inhalation by exhalation. All that comes must go. And for all that comes, something else must go. Nature seeks balance; a repose in nothingness. Nature favors neither the rich nor the poor. She simply ensures and sustains the co-existence of both. There cannot be one without the other. The presence of riches in one area of your life is always balanced by an equal poverty in another. The problem really with the human mind is that the rich are blind to their poverty and the poor are blind to their wealth. Like a famous wit has said: ‘Success has made failures of so many men.’ When our self-esteem is derived from the weight of our wallets, it shows a dangerous dependence over money and a great poverty of spirit. Money is only a shadow. And gigantic as it may seem in a certain light, chasing it amounts to nothing more than chasing a shadow. The real work that we do, in fact, is in the least rewarded by money. Its higher reward comes in the form of greater self-reliance and a gradual independence from all things external.

In the final analysis, whichever way you look at it, the balance sheet of life always ends in a perfect tally. We’re all poor to only that extent that we’re rich.

Appearances

Even though it was clear-

She was dressed to impress

And to re-write more authoritatively

The tattered script

And the battered role

That was her story,

 

I remember not

How she looked;

Or how she felt;

Or what she said

Or what in essence

Was her sartorial sensibility

 

I remember only

An abstract arrest…

A loss of contact…

After touching upon

Her pathetic and desperate need

To impress and redress.

A Room Full of Ghosts

I sit alone in a room full of ghosts

Each one of them claims to know me the most

I know not who I may be

As each one of them screams their image of me

So shy! So bold!

So hot! So cold!

You’ve got it all right! You’ve got it all wrong!

Pathetically weak! Incredibly strong!

 

I sit in silence

Absorbing the noises

Till a momentous insight

Reveals them as choices

Choices I made a long time ago

I chose to let them stay

I never let go

Just as I made them then

I can make them now

So I get up and leave this room full of ghosts

How dare they claim to know me the most!

Over Time

Over Time

Will you care

To feel

Even for a moment

All that I have felt?

 

Over time

Will you be curious

Wanting to know

What fashioned

My mind, my space, my thoughts?

 

Over time

Will it matter

To you

What words composed

My concerns, my beliefs, my angst?

 

Over time

Will you be interested

In knowing

What seduced me to live my life

My way?

 

Over time

Will you see

Non- judgmentally

My reasons

For war, for strife, for dying?

 

Over time

Will you be accepting

Of my ideas, my visions, my dreams

And more importantly

Will you be living them?

 

Over time

Will you understand

My motivations

For leaving behind a legacy

Different ( a little better)

From the one left behind for me?